Internet Dating is HELL 4

Maybe it’s me, not you…

Image by Charming Baker,

Maybe I’m just crap at writing my internet dating profile? Say the ‘wrong’ things? Am too honest?

‘Desperate, deaf, over-emotional ,over60s widow with bad back, a drink problem and not much in the bank, looking to meet rich, fit, stylish , left-wing academic, 50 – 60 with no clingy kids or angry ex-wife.’

Maybe not…

But hoorah, like everything else in life these days, there is a TED talk to tell me how to do it properly. Reminds me of my dad, ‘Listen, you might learn something EEE- laine.’

How did the middle classes survive in society without their good friend TED?

2,257,863 people have watched Amy Webb spell it out for us sad losers in the dating game, which vaguely translates as:

a] Be honest about what you want in partner. [Are you sure Amy, do you know me?]

b] Only 97 words in your profile, no more, no less.

c] Use positive words like ‘fun’ ‘love’ and ‘girl.’ [Vom]

d] Show some skin. [Not a pork scratching, obvs or that bit you just picked off your thumb]

e] Leave 23 [ twenty three, dumbo] hours between communications.

f] Be picky.[Oh shut-up, Amy]

I think I’ve found a photo, I look like a ‘fun girl’ and there’s some skin in it. And it’s 10 years old, so even better.

I’ve used this photo before, 10 years ago. Someone commented, in all seriousness, I kid you not,  ’Nice to see a woman who enjoys DIY.’

Still interested in online dating?

But again, as glutton for punishment and someone who was borderline 11+ so always feels she just not quite good enough, I attempted to go to this last night. An evening on ‘Getting Better at Online Dating’ by another august, middle class institution, The School of Life.

I’d booked my ticket, paid my fee but it was raining, the 73 was slow, TFL told me to get off on at the wrong stop, I couldn’t work out how to use Google Maps, got lost, gave up, came back to Stoke Newington and went down the pub. Result.

I’m not trying hard enough, am I?

There’s another session on March 26th. Don’t all rush.

More tomorrow. Probably.

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